Five Questions

Somehow, Bsti at Chapel Perilous managed to rope me, your humble webmaster, into playing the Five Questions game. Well, there is a Wholly Five directly involved, so you can see how I was vulnerable.

The way it works, in case you haven't already seen this meme here and there, is that Bsti asked me five questions, which I answered. You can see my answers here. Then, I had to forcibly coerce three other folks to answer five questions of my own devising. These three victims then have to dig up three more of their own, and inflict their custom-made inquisition on those folks.

The questions are:

Why does the porridge-bird lay his eggs in the air?
What is your favorite form of debauchery and why?
Why do you run a website? What do you hope to accomplish? (This isn't really two questions squashed into one).
Fill in the blank: If people would only _______, this would be a damned paradise. Explain.
What did you think I meant with question #1, if anything?

	Leandro of Capital of Nasty:	Icarus of ChaosPortal:	Nagglebut the Mediocre of The Devia Discordia
1. Why does the porridge-bird lay his eggs in the air?	Because if it laid them in the bowl, people would confuse them for marshmallows and eat them, greatly reducing the ability for the species to reproduce and survive.	A good question that has confounded scientists for decades. Fortunately you have chosen to ask a person who is quite learned in the ways of the porridge-bird. Being a porridge-birdologist I can tell you why this 'monarch of the stratosphere' chooses to spread his bounty in the air. There are many reasons but the main reason is......ummmm....what was the question again?	It is a common misconception that the porridge-bird (fictius custardius) lays it's eggs in the air. Certainly, each spring, great flocks of porridge-birds swarm the countryside, raining down porridge, custard and (in extreme cases) yoghurt on unsuspecting passers by. Understandably, this has given rise to the idea that porridge-birds lay their eggs in mid-flight, which then hatch and cover the surrounding area in the aforementioned mess. The fact of the matter is, however, that the porridge-bird lays its eggs in small nests, built in the very tops of elm and oak trees. There, the young porridge-birds hatch from their eggs. The parents then scour the countryside, looking for porridge- and custard trees. (yes, porrdige grows on trees. Yoghurt, however, lives underwater) Once such a tree is spotted, the porridge-bird swoops down, and attempts to catch one of the many feral custards that live on the tree. Due to the nature and consistency of porridge much of the creature will fall from the porridge-birds' clutches before the bird can reach it's nest. This is why -even though porridge-birds do not really lay eggs in the air- it is advisable to take an umbrella along when you enter porridge-bird territory.
2. What is your favorite form of debauchery and why?	The helicopter china green one, being green as the reason why.	I enjoy debauchery in the form of molasses rubbed vigorously on the scalp.	Looking up hard words like debauchery works just fine for me, thank you. Failing that, eating all the BLUE M&M's that some silly rockstar has ordered, and replacing them with Smurf droppings.
3. Why do you run a website? What do you hope to accomplish?	I'm not sure and I haven't quite figured it out myself.	a. I run a website so I can keep the voices in my head happy. They insist that I keep them up to date on the latest weird world news. You will notice that I have several users registered on my site....well, you get the idea. b. Really, I'd just like to have a few people register and visit regularly to help with news submissions and to take part in some decent conversation.	a. They say everyone has one book in them. While that may be true after a particularly harsh winter, when all the food runs out, and that volume of War and Peace begins to look strangely appetizing, careful and detailed X-rays have shown that there's definitely no book in me. But there's always room for one more website. Or hey, the serious answer: If I don't write these things down somewhere, they just keep asking for attention in my head. (this isn't really two answers squashed into one) b. Oh, raising a smile here and there is good enough for me. If I actually manage to make someone think, all the better.
4. Fill in the blank: If people would only _______, this would be a damned paradise. Explain.	"Shut the fuck up," since people just can't seem to understand when it is a good time to open it and when it is a good time to close it. And usually, closed is better, judging from what comes out of people's mouths.	a. MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS b. Need I say more ?	Make some big forests, get the lion to lie down with the lamb, spit out that damn apple and take of their clothes. oh, and downsize to one of each gender, I suppose. That would get pretty close to the paradise thing. Oh, wait. Okay: Stop taking themselves so sodding seriously. Not original, but still very true.
5. What did you think I meant with question #1, if anything?	That your dealer sells some good shit.	You obviously seek to know the mysteries of the porridge-bird. And you have come to the right place ! As a wizened scholar in the ways of this 'czar of the skyway' I have the knowledge that you seek......wait, what was the question again?	You sir, have porridge on your hat.